Who Ever Said Grown Men Don’t Cry Never Saw One Passing A Kidney Stone
I was a quick pregnancy. I didn’t even know I was expecting. Now I am the proud father of a 2 millimeter shard of kidney stone. One minute I didn’t have a care in the world and the next thing I know, BAM! It hit me. I have never felt pain like that before, it was like I was incorrectly lifting a tree out of the ground and while I was busy doing that, someone decided to sneak up and kick me in the groin, in 5 minute intervals.
My wife was barely able to help me get in the mini van; we were off to the Emergency Room. We have driven to Baltimore from Florida several times and those trips seem like quick jaunts compared to the 20-minute journey to the hospital.
When we arrived I looked so bad they quickly got me through triage and slapped a fancy and stylish backless number on me and hooked me up with an IV and bag of there best fluid. The only thing I could do to ease the pain was to pace. They gave me a IV bag holder on wheels and let me go. I looked like Ozzy Osborne shuffling about and asking for drugs. My wife really wanted to help ease the pain but there wasn’t much she could do.
Bad pain like that really zaps your energy, I can totally understand the mean things that come out of the mouths of women in labor. I wanted to say to my wife, “Honey, there really isn’t anything you can do, but thanks for asking.” Oddly enough it came out “You did this to me!! You made me eat and drink this diet, and I want flippin’ drugs now!”
Finally I received my drugs, or as they were referred to in the ER, “the good stuff”. Not long after the pain relief kicked in I remember thinking Dilaudid would be an absolutely beautiful name for a girl if we were ever to have one. After the drugs kicked in they sent me for a Cat Scan, and I asked the nurse if she could show me the cats on the print out. It was good stuff. They said no but they did verify that it was Kidney Stones and sent me home to drink gallons of water and strain my urine. I never had to do anything like that before. The closest thing was when I was young we went on a vacation to North Carolina and we mined for gem stones. This was like that only without the dirt.
I think it passed about halfway through the next day. Later that same day I received a call from a friend who had told his Mom about my ordeal and she said, “Tell Greg to thank his wife for having their baby.” For the record I have thanked her, but then I started thinking, no one asked me if I wanted an Epidural.
Greg has been writing articles online and offline for over 7 years. He has many specialties including humor, parenting, and personal development check out his latest website on My Little Pony party supplies, check out the ideas for a My Little Pony birthday cake while you are there.
